Good Grief: I’m Not Mad at God Anymore

It’s been one whole year without my mom. And I’ve decided that cancer sucks. It stole my mom’s health, and it eventually stole the presence of her life in everyone she knew.  However, it did not steal joy. Yes, it ripped the breath of happiness right out of each of our lungs when reports stated worse each time, but joy was always present. Peace was incomprehensible (Philippians 4:7). Only Jesus Christ himself could give that so graciously in the most devastating moments of life, whether “cancer” is a part of your vocabulary or not. Because the truth is, we’ve all faced loss of some sort: a job, friendship or relationship, loved one, home, or sense of normal. And Jesus paid to restore all of it.

 

In case you are unfamiliar with part one of this post, I was pretty angry with God in this very week last year. And as much as I hate grief, I am a different person than I was on July 29, 2015. God uses grief and loss to mold, sharpen, and fine tune the best in us. God does an amazing job at taking the most broken parts of our souls and restoring them back to health. This year has been the toughest of my life, but He has walked with me and my family through each moment. I’ve seen Him stay the same as He always has been. And I’m not mad at Him anymore.

 

Lessons learned about life and God after a year of grief:

  • It’s okay to be mad at God
  • But then work through it
  • It’s okay to question the goodness of God
  • Sometimes there are just no words
  • Comfort is 99.9% better than any advice
  • God uses people, so look
  • Jesus is truly enough to satisfy every need
  • It’s okay to skip English on a Tuesday for Starbucks with your best friend to cry instead
  • God does understand
  • Grief sucks
  • No, everything does not happen for a reason
  • No, God didn’t do this because He thought I was “strong enough to handle it” (my weakness equals His strength- 2 Corinthians 12:9)
  • God is Healer…on earth and heaven
  • He comforts the brokenhearted
  • He turns a mess into joy
  • Tears aren’t for the weak
  • Humanity was made for community
  • Family is a beautiful thing
  • Healing does not equal forgetting
  • Relationship with God shatters religion
  • Sometimes it’s hard to mutter “God is good”; lean into the questions
  • He cares so much that He’d walk with me in the darkest pit of my life
  • Thank God for Jesus’ death that paid for my joy
  • Cancer sucks. Cancer sucks a lot
  • So does death
  • Sarcasm is just enough to get you through
  • The pain of earth reminds us of the beauty of heaven
  • God will care for you; you might have to look harder right now though
  • His peace is truly dumbfounding
  • Now is not the time to expect a lot from yourself
  • You will make it through, but you can’t go around
  • Don’t waste precious days by worrying
  • God is not punishing you
  • God didn’t leave me
  • God isn’t afraid of your honesty…or your questions
  • Worship isn’t circumstantial
  • Life doesn’t stop for you to grieve; you have to multitask
  • Grief reveals the tender, gracious, loving heart of God
  • Sometimes tears are the best (and only) prayers
  • Counseling. Please save your life and go (sometimes your dog counts)
  • You can trust God despite the questions
  • “Why” is the beginning of faith
  • God loves you even if you’re mad
  • He has amazing plans to prosper your life–still (Jeremiah 29:11)

 

 

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2 comments

  1. Well said Breanna. This has been a difficult year but you made it. Some days were awful but you leaned on God and he saw you through. His love is constant, always there. Like I told your Dad, last year the road ahead was filled with uncertainties but you all have remained faithful and trusted in God. Now the road has widened and filled with so many possibilities because of your faithfulness. Today I am remembering so many joyful memories and celebrating the time I had with her. She will always remain in my heart with memories filled with joy. Cancer does suck and I hate the very existence of it but that will not make it go away. I pray for a cure to this horrible disease that takes so many of those we love. I love you dearly and I miss you so much! Keep writing, you have a wonderful way with words!❤️❤️

  2. Thank you for sharing your heart and love with us. I’m a Breast Cancer survivor and I thank God everyday for that. Your words give hope like you have know idea. God Is Good.

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